Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Beer And Puke Rank

Even trolls like to associate with other folks - though they generally hang with other trolls, since they have no real social skills.

Some times, the various troll clans get together for parties, called in their lingo, "gatherings". Gatherings involve refreshments such as beer. Excessive consumption of beer, which is all that trolls can do since they are not capable of real human activity, leads to puking.

In any troll clan, there are the relative morons and newbies, of real low esteem. Even trolls like to have somebody to look down upon. At the gatherings, the newbies get the jobs of carrying the beer to the real players, and of mopping up the puke.

Thus, the "beer and puke" rank.

So, what's different about the "beer and puke" ranked trolls?

The real players play their troll games, aka "trolls", by rules. When the troll is called, the game ends. A real player stops posting, when the troll is called. A real player knows that he'll get an ass kicking at the next gathering, if he does not stop posting, immediately, when the troll is called.

Trolls accumulate points, or "props", for how well they play the game. Since they are of low self esteem, they compete with each other, or play with themselves. Many trolls play with themselves, a lot.

The most common games end with the calling of the troll - and the trolls get props for the posts that they make before the troll is called.

The elite games, aka "guts", end before the troll is called. The elite, highest ranked trolls, to score points, must quit posting without the troll being called. If the troll is called, during an elite game, he gets no points for the troll. An elite player, claiming props for a troll that was called, gets an ass kicking at the next gathering.

The adult games, which are the most common ones in the troll world, end when the troll is called. Any troll who aspires to actually participate in a gathering, and let the beer and puke trolls bring him his beer, knows that he has to quit trolling, when the troll is called. Any "adult" troll knows that he will get several ass kickings, from the elite trolls, if he does not stop a troll when it is called.

The lamer games, aka "beer and puke", continue forever. They are like the games which a 5 year old child likes to play, until you tell him to go to bed. Joshua aka Centralist is, quite obviously, of the "beer and puke" rank. You can't kick Joshua's ass, he carries the beer and mops up the puke.

The real players don't want Joshua spilling the beer, or splattering the mopped up puke, over them. So Joshua is given immunity during the gatherings, while he is working. And when Joshua has carried enough beer, and nobody is puking, he gets to sit on the floor near the tables, and listen to the real trolls poast of their feats. If he speaks up while not carrying beer or mopping puke, he gets an ass kicking.

Sorry, Joshua. Somebody has to carry the beer and mop the puke. This fable is dedicated to you. See you around (if you must come back).


  1. Chuck, you summed it up oh so nicely, as a "troll", I, am delighted that you gave Peter the "beer and puke" title, he deserves it.

  2. So beautifully put. You're quite a writer.


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